They Might Say..

*in the "i'll kill her" by soko mode

Sungguh tidak keruan dan tidak betah aku bertapa dalam rumah yang dipenuhi dengan teknologi yang tak berapa canggih ni. Dalam proses mencari idea melengkapkan buku poetry aku sambil menghirup nesvita honey di tengah malam ni,aku memang dalam keadaan nazak. Nazak kebosanan. Empty. Yup,seriously,its the emptiness that fill in the mind and rationality. Haha..

So,I'm not really going to make some report of today's activity. Bosan. Tiba-tiba papan kekunci memanggil aku untuk menyuruh jari jemari menari menaip sesuatu. Isu apa? Tak pasti. Entah. Yang pasti,aku memang gembira sekarang ni. Spending my leisure quality moment while busy mending the broken pieces of me.

So,tadi aku nampak dia online dekat FB. Nak tegur kat comment tak berani. Banyak kali fikir,akhirnya aku batalkan niat. Berapa kali dah aku batalkan niat. Haha.. Mungkin kedengaran bongok bongok je,tapi tulah dia. AKU TAKUT LA NGOK! Tak apa.Biarkan dia.

Okay,now let's talk about the current issue. Haha.. Aku ingat keadaan di mana "confession-to-the-person-you-like" hanya dekat SABDA je. Rupanya bila balik rumah, semua kawan-kawan pun berjangkit. The latest one,best friend aku. Haha.. Apalah agaknya perasaan bila buat confession kan?

Confession doesn't always come with a pleasurable package,itu bagi aku. The way I see it. Variety colour of situation I watched and all of them are highlighted with one word-BRAVERY. So,does it make a sense when a girl make a confession towards a boy? Who cares about it. Its better now or never. Pengakuan dibuat,respon diterima tapi jawapan masih tergantung. At least the other party know what's the feeling lies inside.

Tapi lagi best bila tengok confession towards a girl from a boy who has been watching the girl since a year ago. Able to adapt with the fact of "never put hope and never give hope". This guy owned my highest respect for what he has done. The misery that hunting him was never being shown to the public. Misery of waiting for an answer. Semua ingat dia act cool je. Itu satu keadaan confession yang paling menarik bagi aku.

Paling dramatik confession di hari akhir persekolahan selepas semua paper exam habis diduduki. Right after semua paper habis. Drama kan? Saat di mana kali terakhir semua berjumpa,bertentang mata,bergelak ketawa,itu dia. Dia memulakan langkah. Haha.. Ini sumpah telenovela.Aku tak tipu. Walaupun tak berpeluang tengok dengan mata kepala sendiri,tapi sebagai mamarazi terulung,at least I get the honoured to be among the people yang tahu lebih awal. Haha..

So yang lain mostly mengamalkan prinsip "hubungan dua hala". So,tak lah sedih sangat sebab mereka tak boleh dikategorikan dalam kes "unrequited love". Haha.. Mungkin sekarang kita memandang serius isu-isu sebegini. Or should I say it might affect us emotionally. Tapi teringat kata-kata someone from SABDA "As I looked back at all of these incidents one day,I'm sure I'll be laughing like hell".

Waving a word

As pages standing

Grinned helplessly

Unintended scretching

A full-melody tuned

nota kaki : Maaf kepada sesiapa yang terlibat secara langsung atau tak langsung. Penghasilan karya suka-suka.

Topeng Imaginasi

Okay. Memandangkan sekarang ni aku punya post bakal berterabur disebabkan mood aku yang tidak menentu untuk menulis blog,maka aku bertekad untuk tidak menulis setiap entri aku menggunakan satu bahasa aje. Seronok apa satu malaysia. Ahaha..

Looking back at those photos(one of them is the above one),my heart suddenly receive a call to make a very short(err..maybe not too short) conversation with this territory of mine. Feeling this out of blue sense of writing,typing on this keyboard doesn't give any track for me to really draft the perfect word to be thrown out. So,cara penghasilan karya bersepah di sini. Harap maklum.

Do not really talking about the flashback, this exploding voice is really finding its way to say it out loud. Terasa macam nak katakan sesuatu. How does it feel when people around us,I mean the close ones use us for their own benefit? Kepada sesiapa yang aku pernah lontarkan soalan itu,just keep reading this. Why does my question sounds too harsh eyh? Well,that's exactly apa yang otak aku tengah ligat fikirkan sekarang.

Bila kita rasa orang hanya perlukan kita di saat dia rasa dia tak ada tempat nak bersandar atau bila dia ada kepentingan dekat kita. Salah kita ke untuk terasa nak mengelakkan diri daripada terus berjumpa dengan mereka? Apa punya soalan laah.. Mungkin agak kedengaran macam "entah-apa-apa" punya soalan tapi itulah dia. Bila otak jahat mula datang,rasa macam nak balas dendam je tapi tulah. Asyik berdendam bila nak habis? Haish~

Well,merely a crap but at least I know I am telling the truth. And oh,oh. Living in a hostel has thought me in every single day that we need all the characteristics required to adapt with the situation. Situation doesn't give any seeds of sympathy,okay kids? So we have to act. Or some people might even say it is actually being a hypocrite? I don't give any denial nor support towards it. And even the closest one is not the one to be trusted most. Because I learned too, 'sometimes the one we love most hurts us the deepest'.

When the eyes struck

Nothing seems to be seen

Invisible fading take over

Nailed for waiting

Miracle knocked and kneeled

Taking the stone lies beneath.

*Oh,currently in a process of the making of my own poetry book called "When Shakespear whisper", poems originally created by me,so every quotes from now on in every post of mine,will be a part from the book. Hee~ (promosi yang tak berapa menjadi!)*big laugh together!

*A whole-hearted trash created in the middle of night. Might be too ugly to be presented. Btw,hell I care? (*gambar hiasan semata)

End Point

*currently in "graduation" by vitamin c mode

So this is where the end point meets. Finally everything comes to an end. Bak kata Cik Adaa, "all good things will come to an end". This blog had been left for ages so I guess I should make some updates.

Sumpah banyak benda to be written. Tapi everything is mixed up. Bermula dengan kisah di mana sekolah sudah mula kosong apabila pelajar2 form 1,2 and 4 balik dan pulang ke rumah masing-masing. Terasa sunyi jugak lah. Macam senyap je surrounding. Program ulangkaji bersama cikgu pun bermula. Surrounding just like masa perkampungan ilmu.

Perpindahan dorm secara besar-besaran. Berkampung di dorm BP04. Masa tu,masing masing struggle. Tidur pun bersepah je. Tak ada quality sleep langsung. Haha.. Time ni lah mula nampak pasangan pasangan yang tak pernah diketahui pun sebelum ni. Haha.. sumpah sedih bila ingat balik! Oh,by the way,lupa nak cakap pasal kad yang diterima masa hari jumaat yang semua budak-budak balik tu. Thanks to citrine's citizens kerana membuat kad itu. It really means a lot. Terima kasih eyh! I'll look after it elok elok.

Then,sambut Hari Raya Korban di SABDA buat kali pertama dan terakhirnya. Wuuhhuuu..sedih! Sembelih lembu dan melapah daging secara beramai-ramai. Sayu kot time tu. Ke hulu ke hilir tengok semua nya. Badan seriously bau lembu lah. Macam haram j**** dah bau aku satu hari tu. Off to dorm,mandi la hoi.. The shower is waving to me!

Lepas tu,SPM start. Macam haram tangan shaking masa first day. Tulis karangan tangan dah macam parkinson. Apa laa.. Cuak punya pasal. Padahal tulis karangan je pun. Then,hari berlalu macam tak terkira. Rasa macam sehari macam sesaat dua.

Sampailah ke hari paper 3 biology. Masa tu,sumpah tak tipu sedih dalam hati Allah je lah yang tahu. 11 tahun sekolah and finally aku dah takkan pakai uniform sekolah dah. Parents dah keliling dewan tu macam apa. Aku buat paper 3 macam half-hearted je. Psycho dowh! Masa tu fikir nak habis cepat. And then,habis paper ingatkan boleh terus salam-salam. Ustaz Mad bagi amanat terakhir dia. The best part was when he asked us to fill in borang pulang bermalam. Ahaha.. Apa la Ustaz. Bikin nangis je.

Too bad,Topeng(our KB) ingat nak buat last meeting satu batch lepas paper tp tak kesampaian sebab semua dah sibuk dengan parents masing masing. Sorry to kawan-kawan yang aku tak sempat nak say goodbye. Rushing at that moment. Salam and say goodbye dekat yang mana sempat jumpa. So,this is where the end point meets. The end of SABDA's story.

*on the way back,hampir 5 org SABDA yang aku jumpa makan di restoran yang sama dengan aku. SABDA oh SABDA!

haha..

As tick getting closer

Reflection can't be erase

Memories to be cherish

Ignite in every glimpse

As time cannot be turned back

A perfect lullaby

For a dream-hunter.

Masih Bernafas

Sekian lama menghilang. Aku dgn megahnya ingin mmberitahu yg aku masih lg hidup,alhamdulillah stlh sekian lama blog ini ditinggalkan. Haha.. Gaye cm duduk London,pdhal bagan datoh je kot.. ahaha.. Takpe2.. lg brapa bulan je then I'm free..

Btw, byk gila kot cerita yg nak di "story telling" kan tp ada urusan lain menuntut komitmen aku.. Yela..sebulan lebih terperap kt ceruk dunia tu. Plg latest,batch aku iaitu first batch SABDA akan organize annual dinner bertemakan ARABIC NIGHT. So,agak confuse jugak la what kind of outfit yg sesuai. Semua cam tercangak bangak je.. Andalasians,korang janji nak gather before aku balik an? tunaikan janji2 anda semua ye.. Haha..

Ha..sebelum terlupa..

p/s : Kpd semua BATCH COMMITTEE, sila jalankan tugas tugas anda dgn jayanya kerana sy tidak boleh bekerja selagi anda semua goyang kaki..

yang ikhlas,

S/U batch( nova x)

Back Off

Where should I start? Everything is messed up. Trying to hide behind the wall of concrete truth,that is what I am currently doing. For more than two months I neglected the heart's call as I was busy mending the pieces of broken fragile soul,finally I managed to build the strength to wake up from this bad dream. Still remember when you came and asked me to spill out everything to you? "Its not good to keep your problems alone",the phrase that belonged to you. But it seems I took the wrong steps.

Sometimes I do think how I could trust you to hold such secret? You know the whole story,dear friend. Story from both sides. You know everything I feel inside outside. You know what I expected from you. Do you still remember when I used to tell you the incident that happened in the drama almost every night? It's because I trust you. I believe you are a friend. But you turned everything upside down. Sometimes I do think you are doing it on purpose,to be honest. Or should I remind you,that you owned the "special" one to think about?

Sometimes I do have the regrets for telling you the thing you shouldn't know. You destroy the trust discreetly in your own way. A great compliment with big applause should be given to you. That's very versatile,dear until I can't even read it from your eyes. Hurting me from the way you act,congratulation superb actress! You wrenched things that used to be beside me though you know how I could get hurt. Two thumbs up for your acting,professional actress.

Please, I can't go any further with this. Please put off those masks and show the world the reality that lies beneath it. Why should you turned things worst? If only I could say right in front of you, "You dont deserved to be trusted". Dear friend,if by watching me endure the pain and heal the wound specially created by you could bring the shine of happiness in your life, million of thanks to you. Regardless of what happened,you are still a friend but the scar made by you will always remain deep inside this heart.

This is what I wrote on my table ; just in case my tears would come out.

The girl who seemed unbreakable- broke.

I finally give up and back off from this game.

Congratulation for both of the fantastic casts.

You are no longer a part of me.

Thank you for showing me the path to get myself out from this drama.

This is the end.