What if this is my last words..

They say, we will begin to value something once we lose them. Inspired by Zikri Zaharudin, I gave myself a deep thought. The topic was "What if this is the last time I talk to you? Will you visit my new house?". Erk,aku terus macam terpempan sekejap. SEKEJAP. Masa tengah ambik mood baring-baring nak tidur, otak aku masih lagi ligat berfikir. Oh,perbualan tu betul-betul meninggalkan kesan.

Macam mana kalau ini kali terakhir aku dapat borak, or at least bertanya khabar di facebook dengan kawan-kawan yang dah lama aku tak jumpa. And suddenly received a news he/she has gone. Aku pernah ada pengalaman. Losing a close friend whom I never had a chance to say my last word in which I stated on the older posts. Dan perasaan aku? Cuma satu. TERKILAN.Sampai hari ni. Dan aku tak boleh bayangkan macam mana kalau aku kena menghadapi satu situasi serupa sekali lagi.

Aku mungkin tak pernah nyatakan kepada sesiapa antara kawan-kawan aku secara serius, aku sayang mereka sangat-sangat. Sebab aku bukan penyajak bukan cendekiawan bahasa. Aku tak reti nak main bahasa. Satu perkara aku tahu dan sedar. Kawan-kawan ibarat adik-beradik. Dan macam yang aku pernah cakap dalam post sebelum ni, tinggal di hostel banyak mengajar aku hidup secara adik-beradik dengan orang yang aku tak pernah kenal.

Berkawan dengan semua tanpa kira jantina , rasa hubungan adik-beradik dengan semua kawan tak kira lelaki ke perempuan. Sayang macam sayang adik, kakak and abang aku sendiri. Walaupun ada masa bertikam lidah, bermasam muka tapi tu semua cuma sebagai platform untuk aku kenal siapa adik-beradik aku sebenarnya.

Dan dari sudut lain, ada satu persoalan lain pulak yang aku kerah diri berfikir sematang mungkin.

What if I received my new house before you? I'm sincerely begging, please do forgive my wrongdoings. And please do pay me a last visit as an honour. It would be more than enough. That's all I ever hoped for. I never said I am well prepared for it but let's just face it as an undeniable fact. A promise from The Almighty which will come sooner or later. The Creator knows it all. I am nothing more than a super duper ignorance slave to my BOSS up there. Seriously, I never intend to freak you out, just a lovely reminder to myself.

Kalau kata aku tak sempat jumpa mana-mana kawan aku yang dah lama aku tak jumpa, dan terima berita macam ni, aku cuma nak mereka tahu, aku mungkin nampak keras hati dan tak pedulikan orang. Mungkin nampak leceh dan rumit. Mungkin nampak jahat dan menyampahkan. Tapi hari-hari sebelum tidur aku tak pernah terlepas doa supaya aku dapat jumpa semua daripada mereka sama-sama walaupun sekali.

Untuk semua kawan-kawan aku, tak kira siapa. Aku sayang mereka.

The end.

A Letter to Juliet.

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia,

dan kita bersama, saat dulu kala

Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah,

saat kita berduka, saat kita tertawa.

****************************************************************

Things have been pretty messed up lately. Despite all of the laughter and fake smiles they bought, not even a single soul ever noticed these are all just another lie. Not even herself. Because all that she has been doing is paving every inch of her capillaries with as many as possible tiles of patchwork, in which non of them seems to suit her all the way long. She finally raises her hands. Look down, and silently whisper to herself. She is a great keeper. A secret keeper of herself. She reluctantly had to admit, sometimes tears say all there is to say. Sometimes your first scars won't ever be erased.

She was looking back all photos of her own feebly. A glimpse of each of them is enough to wake her, most of the picture she was looking at , was the picture of her with JULIET. Well, they say pictures tell thousands of stories. But she is still having a skeptical issue about that. She portrayed almost all the pictures with JULIET. As if they are the greatest best friend ever on universe. As if they were born to be attached together. As if no one understand them better than each other. As if their bond is much stronger than any concrete bond of skyscrapers.

To her slight gloomy, that was how they used to be. That was how things were so vibrant , in the flood of prophecy context, they leaned on the trustworthy door. They always lend their shoulder to each other whenever in need. But now, every single thing they owned before disappear in the blink of an eye. They are both taking their own path. The very last time they met, and up until today. She never heard any news regarding JULIET.

What hurts her the most was when she finds that JULIET could call everyone on her contacts list, but JULIET never reached for her. And she was wondering to herself, "Have I ever crossed on her mind?".JULIET used to be the person whom she spilled about almost everything of her entire life. Well, no surprise though. JULIET got herself a boyfriend,ROMEO who cares for her just like the way every girl would dream of.

So,why on earth should JULIET gives a thought about her "best-friend-used-to-be"?. She is aware that ROMEO could be JULIET'S guardian angel whenever she is not around. JULIET did a drastic improvements in her studies and she could not be more than happy for JULIET. Obviously, JULIET feel blast of ROMEO'S presence lingered around her.

They talked and met and laughed. Still befriend with each other. Not marking any arch nemesis. But the vibe was missing. Not even a sense of excitement just like those days back then. Her deepest regret was when she did not make their last moment together as the precious. She left the school with the unfixed friendship problem between she and JULIET. Their wracked relationship never gets better and it is soon to be faded away like a dust. Just another prediction for mental prepare.

God knows how much and deep she misses JULIET. She needs to convince herself, JULIET has moved on. The old JULIET whom she loves so much. While she is the girl who can't be moved. Humans changed perhaps.

From the bottom of my broken heart ;

At least, a poke on my facebook page is more than enough, JULIET.

********************************************************************

Teringat disaat, kita tertawa bersama
Ceritakan, semua tentang kita

Sindrom.

Sedang mengalami sindrom batuk kering. Peritnya tekak. Cakap sikit,batuk. Gelak sikit,batuk. Harap-harap cepatlah sembuh. Tolong doakan,ye?

Bercerita mengenai batuk kering ni. Tiba-tiba aku teringat satu insiden tahun lepas. Tahun 2010, masa awal-awal tahun. Ceritanya begini..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pagi tu aku bangun. Nani kejut. Nak pergi mandi. Siap-siap nak pergi sekolah. Bangun je,tekak rasa macam pedih. Pelik. Malam tadi elok sihat walafiat. Siap boleh gelak-gelak macam hantu dengan budak-budak tu. 'Sakit tekak sikit je kot' , suara kecilku berkata. Dan setelah bersiap nak turun ke surau solat Subuh, aku tanya Nani sesuatu.

Tiba-tiba masa nak tanya, eh! Suara tak mau keluar. Mulut je terkumat-kamit. Cuba lagi panggil Nani, suara tak keluar juga. Ah,sudah! Hilang suara pula pagi-pagi ni. Permulaan hari yang kurang menggembirakan.

Turun bawah,pergi sarapan. Memang tak bercakap. Untuk pertama kali, Izzatul Nazihah Yahya menjadi seorang pendiam. Nak cakap dengan Aja pun main suruh Aja teka gerak bibir je. Orang tegur pun, senyum saja lah. Dah tak ada suara kan..

Sampai kelas, budak-budak banyak yang dah sampai awal. So, seperti biasa. Sembang-sembang pagi berlangsung. Untuk mereka. Bukan aku. Tak ingat si Izat Jaris tanya apa entah. Dan aku tak jawab. Aku bagi "hand language" dekat dia, memberitahu aku tak ada suara. Memang free-free je jadi bahan gelak budak-budak tu. Waah..silap besarlah kau,Izzatul.

Amboi, diorang punya excited macam ada pesta gawai weyh bila tengok aku terseksa. Wah wah wah..makin rancaklah perbuatan naya meraka kat aku. Mereka pun mulalah kutuk aku macam-macam. Suka benor gamaknya tengok aku terkial-kial nak respon. Sebab mereka tahu aku tak boleh cakap apa. Ah,dah nama pun budak lelaki.

Kelas pertama hari tu, Biology. Oh,hell no! My group was assigned the task to do the presentation for the Biology class that day. And how am I supposed to present anything when I lost my voice? Dengan kegelabahan maksimum, aku pun pergi tanya dekat ahli kumpulan lain. Tot, Nad and Aja. How the presentation thing is going to take place since we have divided equally each of our part. And my part? I need someone to handle it. They don't expect me to present using the hand language,aren't they?

The presentation was held as usual. Sebelum start,aku inform Pn.Nadrah pasal keadaan suara aku ni. Dan aku tetap join. Tapi cuma jadi pak pacak jelah kat situ. Presentation tamat. Sesi soal jawab. Dan mereka yang kononnya "tak paham" bertanya soalan.

Si Ali Zainal Abidin pun angkat tangan. Mamat ni lagi best. Dah tanya soalan, dia kata nak suruh aku yang jawab. Ah,kau. Time aku tak ada suaralah kau gedik-gedik nak aku jawab. So,passing kat Tot. Tot jawab. Si Rushdan Aliff(Ba) pulak bertanya. Pun sama. Nak suruh aku jugak yang jawab. Si Faeez Mazlan(Purung) pun tanya soalan semata-mata nak suruh aku yang jawab.

Yang aku memang rasa macam nak baling kasut campur tahi lembu sikit kat budak-budak tu, bukannya diorang tak tahu aku ada masalah suara hari tu. Saja nak mengenakan aku. Entah apa kena, macam menang sejuta je bila tahu aku tak ada suara hari tu. Waahh..pesta sakan ye korang? Tak apa. Tak apa. Ada ubi ada batas.

p/s : Sebenarnya rindu gila. Haga~