When remedy is no longer a cure..

These past few days havent been pleasurable for me.

Things have been pretty messed up.

I was like losing the grip.

Of holding myself.

I find it extremely difficult to fall asleep even I feel the maximum tiredness.

I cannot watch television without thinking about at least one people on my mind.

I tend to get angry with some people over a small, like seriously SMALL matters.

I easily cry over unnecessarily things.

I sulked with all the people I shouldn't.

My hands are shaking frequently nowadays without any reason. (A serious bad shaking.)

I feel a sudden cold trickles down my spine though my body is sweating. Quite frequent.

I am suffering a bad headache lately. Sometimes I lose control and faint for a few minutes.

I switched off my cellphone most of the time lately.

The best part is that I don't even know why all of these are happening.

I am not sure why I feel totally messed up.

I am not sure why I am behaving like this.

I am not sure why I get suffocated.

I am obviously aware that something wrong here. But I couldn't be really sure about it.

Please tell me, I am all fine here,right?

Says my heart out.

I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

p /s : Thanks Eminem for says it all.

Heck, I am so not okay.

But they dont think so.

Even I believe my own acting.

Darn, I'm cursing myself.

Dear heart, when will you recover yourself?

Dont take too long.

I need it back.

Stop being weak.

Begging.

Tak Serupa.

Kau pernah rasa macam aku?

Runsing.

Tapi kau tak pandai nak luah perasaan.

Kusut.

Tapi kau tak pandai nak tunjuk kau tengah kusut.

Serabut.

Tapi kau tak pandai nak cerita kat orang.

Tertekan.

Tapi kau takut orang tak suka dengar kau bercerita.

But somehow,

Gembira.

Bila orang percaya kau untuk cerita semua.

Bahagia.

Bila kau boleh tolong orang untuk tenang.

Seronok.

Bila kau mampu yakinkan orang dengan semangat kau.

Bersyukur.

Bila kau tahu orang anggap kata-kata kau mutiara.

Mungkin sebab kau jenis muka tersenyum.

Sampai tak ada orang boleh baca.

Mungkin sebab ketawa kau.

Yang selalunya kedengaran ikhlas.

atau

Mungkin kau cepat bertukar angin.

Sampai orang ingat kau boleh recover dengan cepat sepenuhnya

Gila!

Kau pandai berlakon.

Sedangkan kau tahu yang semua tu adalah fake terbaik kau.

Senyum kau, gelak kau, gurau kau, lawak kau.

Orang gelak, tapi kau tak.

Oh silap.

Kau gelak kuat kuat.

Tapi tipu.

TOTALLY FAKE.

Terduduk.

Dulu ingat semua senang.

Tapi rupanya tak.

Ni baru permulaan.

Dah rasa terbeban.

Ape cer?

Mula macam tekad.

Sekali datang pendapat.

Dah goyah retak.

Confuse memanjang.

Apa punya azam..

Dulu pandai fikir sendiri.

Sekarang suara berjuta.

Satu pun tak selari.

Terus gelabah nak gigit jari.

Apa guna akal banyak sel berdiri?

Dah dah.

Tak payah nak drama.

Sekarang tinggal kata putus.

Tengok dalam dalam.

Fikir luas luas.

Walaupun dah tak tau nak fikir apa.

Sangat memerlukan seseorang.

Sekarang ni.

Nak pandangan jitu dan tepat.

Mana engkau ha?

Bear in your mind, say Alhamdulillah.

Okay. Now all the nervousness has ended. We already know our part. Dan bak kata Syuhada Lokman, bear in your mind, say Alhamdulillah. Jangan jadi orang tak bersyukur. Mak dengan ayah pun okay saja. Sedikit kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Tapi kenapa nak jadi manusia tak bersyukur kan? Alhamdulillah. Bak kata kakak, ada sesuatu yang Allah janjikan kepada kita. Kepada semua kawan-kawan,tahniah atas hasil usaha anda yang selama ini tak pernah putus. SPM bukanlah the end of everything. Kita masih ada banyak lagi laluan dekat luar tu yang kita kena pilih. The world has just begin. For us. Lets work with what we have.

Oh, dan rakan rakan nova-x. First product of Sekolah Menengah Sains Bagan Datoh. Baru teringat apa maksud NOVA.

N- Number

O-One in

V- Vigorous

A- Achievement

Dan tahniah kepada semua rakan rakan seperjuangan NOVA-X kerana berjaya membuktikan nama batch bukan sekadar nama. Bak kata Ketua Batch tercinta, "Biar rekod kita takkan dipecahkan sampai dapat anak ke-2". InsyaAllah, rekod terbaik. Yeah, nombor satu dalam daerah Hilir Perak dan nombor empat seluruh Perak. Terima kasih cikgu cikgu. Jasamu dikenang.

And now, I supposed we all should say these together :

ALHAMDULILLAH, ALHAMDULILLAH,

ALL PRAISES TO ALLAH.