Friday, March 19, 2010

Losing The Grip

Hujan lebat. Otak ligat menari zapin fikir aktiviti terbaik(selain belajar). Buntu. Sakit dekat leher tak hilang lagi. Malam tadi aku boleh bantai tidur depan desktop beralaskan keyboard; berbantal peluk kan speaker ; ber''alarm clock'' kan mouse. Dengan bahagianya aku menikmati malam. Ahaha. Sedar-sedar mak kejut,leher aku terasa macam ada pertandingan tarik tali anjuran urat saraf sedunia. Sengal satu badan. Satu hari kepala senget sebelah. Semuanya nampak senget di mata aku hari ni.

*Switch mood : English

Last night,I had a very good conversation with a friend. An old friend. We talked about so many things and mostly are crap. A topic was chosen. Changes. Haha.. He said that I'm changing. I'm not the person he used to know but he still can see the old me. I replied,changing for good isn't a sin. I told him about so many things that happened to me since I entered a territory called a 'boarding school'.

Friends are everything ; that's what I learn since leading the hostel's life. And slowly,we can see they are changing day by day. What hurts the most ; the changes make them became a new person. Someone we never know or precisely ; a stranger. Losing a friend isn't easy. As for me,it is almost unacceptable.

I miss the moment when both of us care about each other. Always know that we stand on the reliable bridge. When I need someone to share problems, I should have no worries as I know you would be the best listener I ever had. And the most incredible thing I will never forget ; this friend will always be the first person to detect whenever I am facing conflicts inside. One of the superb psychic.

I miss the moment when we could tease each other. Telling jokes with the uncontrolled laughter. Sharing every single thing together. I miss the moment when you would come and asked me "Are you okay?', and you will always try to figure out the solution for me.

I miss the moment to know that you had learnt to put the trust in me when you would voice out your problems. I miss all those days. Now,there's a distance between us. We are taking our own path. No one to be blame. We met,we talked but there are words I couldn't say. Things are not the same as it used to be. The only thing I need you to know, I am grateful for having the chance to share a bond called friendship with someone great like you.

When life does not find a singer
to sing her heat,
she produces a philosophy to
speak her mind.

** Emosi sedang menguasai tulisan . Harap maklum.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Rhythmic Voice

I miss my SABDArians to be honest. Haha.. I still can't forget the time when we held a conference at the back of the class when the teacher wasn't in. The panel were me,Nad,Aja and Ba.

The motion was 'Sayang Mati'. New terms that we used for the whole conversation. I put all my courage to ask someone who I labelled as an egoistic man or to make it clear,Ba. Haha(mati aku!).. I explained to him a situation regarding this issue and threw a most cliche question to him. 'What would you do if you were in that person shoe?'

Ba said that whatever happens,he will never break a friendshipjust because of that particular matter. He would continue to be the greatest friend ever. So I asked him again, 'How about the pain?'. He answered me calmly. Of course, the pain would be there but it's better to keep it to ourself and act like nothing's happened.

'Isn't that going to hurt that person even more?', I wonder. Support our friend for their decision though we suffered for the truth inside,it's what a friend does. Then,Ba added that the person should confess so there would be no regrets at the end. Thank you,Ba for the out-of-syllabus lesson. Suddenly,Ba asked me "Kau cakap pasal siapa ni?". Ahaha.. Nevermind,Ba. Just hold my promise. Don't worry,I will not be hiding.

Switch places. Time for Ba to speak out the question marks. How do I take 'Sayang Mati' in my dictionary? Simple answer. I mean from my view. 'Sayang Mati' is when I could shed my tears because of a person or to be precise when I could cry for a person based on the ticket of love. And it includes family or the loved ones.

An invited panel,Akif also did give his point of view. The same question. His opinion was contra with Ba's. He stated that everything depends on the person. But to make a confession,it's too risky,according to him. There would be a gap between each other if things do not turn out as we expect it to be. And definitely,losing a friend will be the ending. It does make sense. Acceptable.

The conference was precious for me. Thanks to them for their awesome opinions includng Adik(Safwan),Ali and Syazwan. Look at things from the opposite side,it's wonderful to read mind of others. Haha.. Boys aren't heartless ; I must admit. Sometimes they just find it hard to take off the barriers.

*Ba,bila kau dah jumpa makna 'Sayang Mati' tu,kau jangan lupa datang jumpa aku!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Spontaneous Theatre

Homeworks are endless. Plus with the chores. Somehow,there's something I won't regret. Endless sleep. Enjoyable sweetest slumber without alarm clock. In which I need not to rush to wait for my turn in the toilet. In which I need not to rush to get myself ready before the assembly start. In which I need not to resist those tears when I felt so sleepy during the lesson. Holiday sometimes meaningful perhaps.

I played on the song titled 'Yesterday' by The Beatles. The lyrics seems to suit my wish. Ahaha.. Suddenly I thought of them. Hana,Aja, Ci'en and Nad. There was one time when Hana Borrowed my MP3 (I named it as Bonny) and she heard all the song in my playlist. The first sentence that came out from her mouth "Kalau orang tengah heartbroken dengar MP3 kau,boleh mati tau tak?".

At that moment,I just can't resist my laughter. It bursts out just before I could take control over it. Didn't expect I would get that kind of compliment from Hana at that middle of night. Haha.. The rest were just like me. As for Nad,she remind me to delete those hurtful songs. Wish to but I just can't get over it. Hee..sorry Nad!

And another incident was when I had started to get myself into the song that I tuned,and my eyes seems to lost their vision. Nad saw me and quickly she exchanged our MP3. Hee.. Terkantoi pula! By the way, I just discovered a few songs.

*Hana,Aja,korang kena dengar lagu-lagu yang baru aku jumpa ni. Mesti korang suka! Sangat menarik! Hee~

Impossible Takes Longer

As I am surfing the internet and do some blogwalking, suddenly I remember a song. So,I quickly let my fingers do their work by searching the lyric.

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku
Mengagumi tanpa dicintai
Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia
Dengan hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

Telah lama ku pendam perasaan itu
Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku
Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah
Bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu
Meski ku tunggu hingga hujung waktuku
Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya
Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja
Untuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya
Dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja

This song is called "Cinta Dalam Hati" by Ungu. Million of thanks to Shahadat Bin Sharafi for introducing me to this song. He said that this song really suits my current situation after seeing how I acted for the past few days. Pandai lah kau,Adat. Mentang-mentanglah tengah bahagia. But to be honest,whenever I sing this song,my heart keeps calling his name. To continue this drama without any script given,ahh.. What a life! Just imagine how professional I need to be everyday. To present a super fake acting, it is not a simple task. Sometimes I do feel like I want to give up with this whole drama thing. Can't take it anymore. I'm not sure if I could hold the promise to myself and a deal that I keep. I just hope for nothing. Putus harapan...

Heartbreak lasts as long as you
want it to be
cut as deep as you
them to go.

*Probably a mere crap from me. If you hate to see this,just ignore it.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Queue of Phrases

Holiday comes again and right now,here I am writing a plain post to fulfil my duty as a part time blogger. It has been three weeks since the last time I fed my blog. Hee.. Starving in pain,honey?

The first day I reached school after one-week break, a few of my friends keep chasing me with the question of the person I ever talked about in my blog. Let the time do its part,the only answer I could uttered. To my consternation,some of the people who I am less expecting them to be one my reader's asked the same question. I just can't hold myself from smiling. For what purpose? No idea.

One week before exam. A week full of dramas and telenovela I suppose. Should I include that I'm also one of the drama queen? Haha.. Others with their seriously injured heart problem. Heartbroken disease was like spreading non-stop among the unwilling victims. And most importantly,my part is the most unique storyline. Haha.. Perasan sebentar.

They are the best listeners and counsellors when I fell apart. My highest salutation for them. Almost every night we talked about the same topic,again and again without any sign of boredness from anyone of us. And it really makes me value the meaning of trust.

Exam week. It was exhausting. Study comes first. Struggle till the hardest though some of it didn't work much since I should stick to the "study smart" law instead of "study hard" rules. The worst part was when I was so sleepy during my BM paper until I wrote Ozzy's name on my answer sheet. Haha.. Maximum embarrassment!
Luckily,I did my last check before submitted the answer.

About heart's whisper. Believe it or not, I think my heart is slowly learning to adapt with the harsh realities. Yes,I do not mean to be some kind of angel but that is what I felt right now. Though sometimes I just can't seem to understand the person but I'm trying my best to be the most reliable friends a person will need. Just like what Rushdan Aliff a.k.a Ba said to me when I asked him about the current situation.

Ba's Law states that friends come first than love because friend means everything. Even if our heart would be tear into little pieces but our friend always need us. We should support them with all the strength though only we know how this pain is torturing us.

Sometimes I do find it silly how someone

can break our heart but
we still love them with all the little pieces

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