Things dont always go perfectly.

"Trying to make it work by man these times are hard." - For the First Time by The Script

Lately things have been pretty messed up for me. Yeah, I have become one of the most unorganized person on earth. I was(I was? haha. still working on those actually) given a lot, no, not a lot, I mean tonnes of assignments to be done within a short period of time. Lets say, 5 days for some 8 assignments? Naaahh.. Just imagine how much oil I need to burn just to stay up throughout the midnight. This time it is tougher than SPM year back then.

Since I have to burn the midnight oil almost everyday, fulfilling my obligation towards my assignments, I tend to neglect people especially those who are far away from me. I mean, real far. I tend to forget them most of the time as I no longer attached too much on my handphone but more to the internet. Lets just say that I am more connected to them who frequently online themselves as it is the closest medium for me right now. When I have spare time, I used it to get some rest for myself. There are only assignments and rests that occupied my mind at this particular moment. I abandoned a sincere smile from my face until a few people came and said "Please smile!" and I begin to smile alone. So, obviously, I am under a very great pressure and stress most of the days. I do cry sometimes because of too much pressure. I know it sounds childish but I need them.

Yeah, learning English as a major course is not that tough but dealing with the assignments and the behaviour of one after another lecturers who sometimes burdened us with all sorts of fussiness, yes yes. I do cursed a lot here. Like seriously. And here, they taught me a lot of "on-the-spot-assignment-which-they-never-mentioned-but-only-said-about-it-when-the-due-date-is-on-the-next-day". So, yeah, I cursed a lot on this. Each time it happens. Yeah yeah, blame me for being normal.

So, right now I am in my foundation years of this TESL course here in this Institut Perguruan Kota Bharu for 3 semester. It has been more than 3 months I perhaps?After that only I will pursue my TESL degree for another 8 semester. And the best part is, for this foundation years, throughout these 3 semester, I will only be having my exam on my third semester. So, now, I just enjoy my life to the fullest. But with those freaking hell assignments OF COURSE. And hell yeah, learning this TESL course somehow really different and contrast with what I used to learn in school back then.

Everything is all about English. Every class is almost necessary for us to speak in English. And it is considered as annoying when lecturers hear any Malay conversation during the class. Well, our mother tongue is Malay, dont blame us for that. HAHAH! So by hook or by crook, no matter how broken your English is, lets just put it aside. People dont give a damn about it. Just simply speak in English.

And all those Chemistry, Biology and Physics can get out of my mind. I have had enough honeymoon years with you guys. =P

After more than 3 months living in Kelantan, I still havent finish exploring the Kelantan. So far, I only went to KB Mall which is the biggest shopping complex here in Kelantan and also the center of attention of all the Kelantanese as it is the only place for you to find almost anything here. Or precisely, convenient. So, dont be surprised about how crowded the place could be, maybe some sort of Mid Valley I guess? Okay, I'm exaggerating.

Oh yeah, nasi kukus has become my favourite food here.

P/s : I miss my crying shoulder.

Too complicated to lose.

Harini macam rasa kosong.

Sangat kosong.

Something went missing.

The day seems very dull and plain.

Gelak gelak macam gila dengan kawan kawan pun

masih terasa kosong.

Betul. Aku tak tipu.

Terasa nak cari seseorang untuk luahkan segala benda.

Someone that I can say anything without hesitate.

Please dear heart, be strong enough to survive alone.

Itu semua duniawi.

Its not crush, just simply freaking harmless adore.

Please bear in your mind.

Those words and concerns are simply a compliment from a person who adores another person that much for his/her ability.

And we can never avoid from adoring a person.

Its a nature.

Betulkan niat.

Aim for the highest.

"Lillahi Taala"

Datang untuk belajar "lillahi taala".

Lupakan duniawi semua.

Itu syaitan tu.

Dunia sentiasa berputar.

now playing : Next to You(cover)- Conor Maynard ft Ebon Day

Melihat manusia yang menjadi heartless, aku kagum dan terfikir mana agaknya sumber kekuatan untuk menjadi se"heartless" itu mereka dapat. Sebab aku memang jenis beremosi. Pantang ada benda, memang emosi tak bertempat.

Semalam ada kawan bertanya bagaimana untuk get over someone. Setelah aku tengok dia separuh nyawa menangis kerana lelaki yang pada dia, adalah yang terbaik setakat ni. Tapi bagi aku, kalau sudah mampu menitikkan airmata itu sudah luar biasa.

Aku cuma senyum, sebab aku pernah ada pengalaman itu. Yang exactly sama. Memang sebiji. Terasa bangga sekejap.

*senyum lebar lebar*

Macam macam aku kata pada dia. Daripada bagaimana bodohnya aku menangis, sampai lah ke setiap cara yang aku buat untuk lupakan semuanya. Tentang bagaimana payahnya nak move on. Tapi satu saja prinsipnya, mental kau kena kuat,baru semuanya boleh gerak. =)

Herm, sudah. Aku bukan doktor cinta nak elaborate lebih lebih.

Tapi yang pasti, aku gembira sebab nasihat aku yang tak berapa nak bertauliah sekurang kurangnya dah mampu buat kawan aku tu tak menangis seteruk dulu. Itu dah cukup.

Sebab pengalaman ajar aku sesuatu. Just believe in this.

People do come and go.

They never stick in your life forever

but

stick in your mind as long as you allow them to be.

-Izzatul Nazihah (2011)

Jadi aku sentiasa percaya yang orang orang yang ada dalam hidup aku sekarang bukan untuk aku take for granted sebab aku tahu one fine day, its either aku atau mereka yang akan pergi. Somehow itu hidup.

Tapi masih, kalau ada mesin putar masa, aku rindu zaman sekolah. Aku rindu how the environment seems to be that homey untuk aku. Sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat sangat. Boleh tak aku letak 1000 "sangat"?

Ah,maaf aku merepek. Ni cuma break sekejap daripada assignment aku. HEHE!

p/s : Terima kasih kerana kagum dengan saya walaupun kebolehan itu tidak seberapa.

Anda buat saya mampu tersenyum seorang,wahai manusia. =)

Melawan ego itu tak mudah.

Bila ego mula datang dalam diri,setiap kali itu lah kau mula berperang dengan diri sendiri. Ya,aku bercakap tentang ego. Sebab aku tahu semua orang alami benda ni.

Fight between your desire and ego and finally you let yourself drowned in a situation where you,yourself can’t even tell what actually is happening and feeling like stuck in the midst of suffocated hell. It really does not feel that good, isn’t it? When the ego begin to rule over your body and mind, that is when you would stop yourself from doing something that you want so bad but yet you prohibit yourself .

Kerana apa? Kerana kau cukup berpegang teguh pada ego. Bagi kau, setiap tindak tanduk itu macam satu lambang kepada sesuatu. Jadi kau lebih suka bertindak rileks,tenang dan buat gaya cool macam kau tak kisah dengan apa yang jadi pada kau walhal kau sebenarnya adalah orang yang paling kisah dengan semua yang berlaku. Lebih lebih lagi bila kau mula tunjuk pada pihak lagi satu yang kau tidak ter”effect” langsung pun dengan sebarang keadaan antara kau dan dia. Kira macam, “aku tak berkudis kalau kau tak ada dalam hidup aku”.

Sebab kalau kau yang mula dulu, dah kira macam kau kalah dalam battle. Tapi bila kau jadi titik mula, itu sangat risiko. Kau tak boleh nak jangka apa yang bakal kau terima. Kau akan jauhkan diri daripada perkara perkara kebiasaan kau,cuba berlagak biasa sebab itu saja jalan terbaik yang ada.

Tapi keadaan sebenarnya, kau adalah orang yang paling sedih dan beremosi tanpa orang luar tahu. Kau adalah orang yang paling layak selayaknya untuk menangis meraung. Sebab ego itu kadang kala makan tuan. Jadi, kau masih sibuk dengan ego. Melawan ego ni kerja paling payah,bro. Serius. Aku tak tipu.

Erk? Kau mesti tak faham aku cakap apa?

Ah,abaikan.

p/s : Sorry but I can’t afford to tell that I am so glad to know you. =)

I prefer to keep it to myself.