Dunia Survival

Nyanyian tv macam tak masuk dengan rentak dalam kepala aku. Semua yang depan mata macam halusinasi. Kejap lagi dah nak gerak balik Perak,sekolah tercintaku. Tercinta ke? Haha.. Otak aku tiba-tiba memulakan misi mengingat. Handphone dekat atas meja aku capai. Sedang aku sibuk membelek-belek peti masuk pesanan ringkas aku,mata aku mendarat pada satu mesej yang sangat berharga, bagi aku di saat-saat macam ni. Aku yang lemah ni,tak pernah tahan lama dengan kegagahan sementara aku. Kelopak mata mula jadi kolam bila baca mesej tu.

Oh,memang tak pernah aku buat sedemikian rupa. Nasib baik tengah santai dalam bilik,jadi privasi itu milik aku. Interaksi aku dengan tv memang sekadar hiasan semata-mata. Mata aku tak lepas-lepas daripada membaca pesanan tu. Walaupun dah kali yang keberapa puluh entah. Ya,aku memang terharu dengan setiap patah aksara dalam pesanan tu.

Terima kasih sahabat. Kau dah sedarkan aku sebab utama aku tinggalkan semua yang pernah jadi milik aku dekat sini. Kau dah pun sedarkan aku yang masa depan aku terletak pada aku. Walaupun itu hakikat yang aku dah sedia maklum. Kau dah berjaya mengingatkan aku tentang semua perkara yang sepatutnya menjadi keutamaan aku. Kau dah bangunkan aku yang ada banyak perkara penting lain yang sepatutnya memenuhi kotak minda aku. Kau dah pulihkan aku daripada satu fasa yang aku sendiri pilih. Kau dah keluarkan aku daripada mendera emosi sendiri.

Aku sayang kau dan mereka sampai mati. Walaupun kita pernah janji nak habiskan SPM sama-sama,tapi tak kesampaian. Aku dah pilih jalan ni. Macam kata kau. Masa depan aku,aku yang tentukan. Memang aku duduk jauh,tapi hati aku tetap dekat sini. Kalau boleh,aku nak kau dan mereka tahu yang tak ada siapa boleh ganti tempat eksklusif korang ni dekat hati aku.

Nadhrah Izzaty Bt Muhd Sukri
(17.5.1993)
Nur Ain Bt Muhd Ghazali
(27.10.1993)
Nabeelah Bt Ahmad Murad
(25.6.1993)
Romaizatul Shaqira Bt Muhd Rom
(6.9.1993)
Nur Fauziah Bt Muhd Ali
(8.5.1993)

*Mesti korang pelik kenapa aku buat macam ni kan? Kalau kata ini kali terakhir aku,sekurang-kurangnya aku puas hati korang tahu apa yang aku sorok daripada korang selama ni. Aku sayang korang walaupun berapa banyak kawan yang aku jumpa. Aku segan nak cakap macam ni depan korang. Hee~

If You're Not The One

Tomorrow will be going back to hostel. Back to routine. What a life! Nikmat cuti hilang di balik awan. And right now,I don't know if I have the courage to face him again. One week without him,yes. I can proudly say I am healing this wound but without his presence. Without looking at his face everyday. That's the main point. So,I'm afraid I might lose with myself.

I'm not sure if I could continue to be a "super professional hypocrite" with him. Yeah,I'm getting used with this. I'm not sure if I could face another day of this unbearable pain. I'm not sure if I should ever feel this way. I'm not sure how to get rid of this idiotic childish fears. I'm not sure if I'm taking the perfect steps. I'm not sure with myself. Yeah,I'm currently living in uncertainty,if that is what you labelled me right now.

Somehow,that is life. I can't wish life to be like a fairytale with a happy ending. I must keep telling my heart,life doesn't always goes on my way. After having a short conversation with my mind,yes. I should continue the drama as long as the time doesn't reveal everything. I've promised him one thing and when the time comes,he will know the truth behind all these drama.

If you love something,
let it go.
If it comes back to you,
it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.

Never Say Never

As early as 8.00 a.m,I received a phone call. Yeah,they asked me to join them for some kind of our mini reunion. Well,I know they miss me. Haha.. Nothing much we had done today. Play volleyball and badminton and watch hindustan movies(i was being forced to watch it!) titled "mujhse kya karoge"(if i'm not mistaken) and "kuch-kuch hota hai". I was like a heartless person watching it while Ain has started to cry. Haha.. Diriku yang tidak berhati perut! Kedua-dua filem menggambarkan pengorbanan. Oh,memang terbaik daripada mereka di saat diriku dalam keadaan begini.

I'm getting stronger day by day. Yeah,proudly say I'm glad to be one. Hee.. I didn't cry for nothing. So no more regrets. If sacrifice brings a lot of changes in me,so yup! Welcome to my life,sacrifices! It's my pleasure to meet you. Haha.. It makes me smile to see how much people do care about me when I'm in need. They are the definition of friends. Sayang mereka sampai mati!

Giving up doesn't always mean
you are weak.
Sometimes it means that
you are strong enough
to let it go.

Berhenti Berharap

Berjalan-jalan melihat blog orang lain. Tiba-tiba teringat sesuatu. Update blog pun bagus jugak. Hee..

Terbaru mendapat nasihat daripada "kaunselor" peribadi.

'Jangan elakkan diri'.
'Until when you wanna run from your heart's call?'
'Buat macam biasa je. Jangan lari. Nanti nampak obvious sangat'.
'Kuatkan semangat. Jangan fikir sangat'.

Yeah. After give a thought about this matter thoroughly, I seriously think I should take their advices. Instead of running away, I should face my own problem. 'Dont avoid from your problem. It will only shows your weakness. But face it because it shows your strength.' Thanks,mum. I owed you for those priceless words. For this particular moment, I'm still hunting for the strength but I promise to myself things are not going to be the same after this. But I will always regard him as one of my awesome friends. Forever and always.

They keep saying what am I currently doing isn't the best step. But perhaps for the beginning it is. Its okay. Step by step is better than nothing at all,right? I can do it. As my super fantastic counsellor said "All these things are just a part of growing process. It teaches us to be matured". Yup. Strongly agree with him.

I felt the dumbness as I am writing this post. How can I waste one whole day yesterday just crying over unnecessary thing? He didn't get affected at all while I suffered alone. Isn't that the stupidest thing I could ever do in this world? Haha.. Nevermind. Yesterday is just a past and I shouldn't step back. Please save me from myself. Looking forward for this new spirit. Thanks to them who make me this way.

Words never lie.
I believe that.
Truth is always painful.
I realize that.
Thank you for waking up this fragile soul.

Remain Silent

Just received a phone call. And thank you for your advices. Really appreciate it. The best part is he said that "Kau ni angau la". I was like 'huh? Is that what we labelled as "angau"?'. Haha.. Tak tahu pun.

My mission for this whole week ; build the strength in me. Try to forget him. Don't ever think to contact him. That's the best for now. Thank you friends for your concern.