Heave In Sight

Jangan bercakap besar. Nanti padah terkena diri sendiri. Ya,satu nasihat yang sangat berguna untuk aku. Semua gara-gara aku menolak payung yang diberikan oleh emak masa hujan. Kononnya aku kebal. Kena hujan sikit tak ada apa-apa. Mak gunalah payung tu sorang. I don't need it. Bongkak lagi ; malam tu mulalah terasa panas satu badan. Panas lain macam. Kepala dah berat sangat macam tampung tangki air. Periksa suhu badan,tahniah! Aku disahkan demam panas. Terlentang atas katil macam pesakit ICU. Haha.. Padan muka kau Nazihah! Degil,taknak dengar nasihat emak! Conclusion ; never go against your mother words or else you might turned up like this stubborn-snobbish sister,okay kids?


Just had a very matured conversation with Farah Adiba Azmy, we talked about looking for a job. Aiming for the same mission ; raising fund to buy our own private goods. Haha.. Highly motivated eyh? Well,currently I'm busy making a survey for any vacancy that suits my schedule. I mean,of course I will not be allowed to work until 1 a.m right? Hell no! So,there are two jobs currently caught my attention. One as a salesgirl and the other one as a book store keeper. Both offer for RM800 permonth. So,mum. Decide for me please? Hee..


As for the four season country,now is the heaven season to enjoy the snow. But differently in Malaysia,during this end of year month,every Malaysian should know we will be gifted with 'tengkujuh' season. Well,dont you guys think Malaysia also should be categorized as four season country? Haha.. Okay,not silly. The throat was like being parched. I can't talk much. Writing is the best way to utter those heart's call I suppose. December is coming to the end. Oh,and goodluck all PMR candidates 2010. Result will be out tomorrow. 2011 is approaching very soon.


Texting with Alia Hazidin this morning,gave me a very deep thought. She said she is at her kampung currently. Have to be a professional babysitter for her siblings. Well,good luck friend! A few texts,and she said she misses school so bad. The same goes to all ex-Sabdarians I bet. She added that watching all the kids buying their school stuffs make her wants to go to school so bad. Then,I said to her "Tu lah. Masa sekolah kita sibuk cakap malas nak pergi sekolah. Bila dah habis,sibuk nak pergi sekolah. Kelakar betul lah". Haha.. Yeah,and I came up with a very reasonable hypothesis. Manusia akan tetap menjadi manusia. Tak pernah bersyukur walau dapat anugerah macam mana pun. Erk..sounds too critical-thinker eyh? Ignore it.


Lying on this bed doesn't give any sign of getting better from this fever. So,I was thinking. It has been a long time I didn't talk to myself about this feeling of mine. Bound to the mentality of a school's girl,I was too occupied with all the people around me. Watching them in every single way is enough to let out of this misery that always being stucked in this memory. I had my biggest laugh when I remembered the time when I fall or should I say attracted to someone called a guy and wrote all about him here. And when I back to school,most of them keep asking who the hell I was talking about in this blog of mine. Well,it was all in the past. And the guy had already known the truth. I managed to teach myself to leave a hole in this heart for someone who deserves it more.


At first,it was all too hard. Everything seems wrong. The feeling was all upside down. Yeah,I followed their advices. Let the time do it's job. Yeah,and now I can stand proudly ; saying I am no more into him. Its a total ZERO! Good job girl. The best part is instead of falling for him,I can now play my role by being one of his close friends. Now,I can smile broadly,knowing I could share every single thing together without having any hesitate be it about studies until love matters. Yeah, I prefer to be in this way. The siblings bond. Its seriously a damn comfortable air. Friends everywhere. A lover is not a requirement but friends are necessities.
And I should give him a great compliment for being a very good listener and my best buddies whenever I'm in need. The 5 star penasihat peribadi terbaik.


The worst part was when I thought my heartless confession towards him(itupun selepas there are no more feelings left towards him), saying...

"Eh,kau tau tak dulu aku pernah suka kau?" big laugh.
*grinning "Eleh,pernah ke kau suka aku?"
*continue big laugh "A'ah kan. Buat rugi suka kau.Eh,tapi betullah. Aku dulu memang pernah suka kau. Betul-betul punya suka ". *serious face.
*grinning continuously "Erm.. Yeah,aku taw."


...I thought it was going to be a shocking news for him but it was the other way around. Malu gila! Walaupun dah tak ada rasa apa-apa,tapi bila fikir balik maksudnya dia tahu apa yang aku cuba buat selama ni sebab aku suka dia. Haha.. It was the crappiest joke I ever gifted. So,now he knew it. Nak malu apa lagi? And it was all being neatly buried in the cemetery. Haha.. Past and history,okay? And currently, someone caught my eyes. I have been observing this guy months ago. After Hari Guru if I'm not mistaken. For my age,this is what I labeled as major teenager crush,as usual. Till then. Bed is calling, dream is about to arrive. Good night world.

Splitting vision
And I'm eager for this moan
Rhythmic pain flows flawlessly
Circling thoughts give a soft murmur
Unplanned,undecided,unbearable
Turning the coin helplessly
Eyes counseled heart and mind
Always alert for the other side
For miracle can grips
Without any sign.

(adapted from "When Shakespear Whisper" by Nazihah Yahya)

p/s : To him, terima kasih sebab selalu dengar aku nangis,cakap pasal yang bukan-bukan je. Sorry sebab habiskan kredit kau,call aku hari tu semata-mata untuk dengar aku nangis. Haha.. Million of thanks,dude! Sumpah kau kawan paling best! =D