Impossible Takes Longer

As I am surfing the internet and do some blogwalking, suddenly I remember a song. So,I quickly let my fingers do their work by searching the lyric.

Mungkin ini memang jalan takdirku

Mengagumi tanpa dicintai

Tak mengapa bagiku asal kau pun bahagia

Dengan hidupmu, dalam hidupmu

Telah lama ku pendam perasaan itu

Menunggu hatimu menyambut diriku

Tak mengapa bagiku cintaimu pun adalah

Bahagia untukku, bahagia untukku

Ku ingin kau tahu diriku di sini menanti dirimu

Meski ku tunggu hingga hujung waktuku

Dan berharap rasa ini kan abadi untuk selamanya

Dan izinkan aku memeluk dirimu kali ini saja

Untuk ucapkan selamat tinggal untuk selamanya

Dan biarkan rasa ini bahagia untuk sekejap saja

This song is called "Cinta Dalam Hati" by Ungu. Million of thanks to Shahadat Bin Sharafi for introducing me to this song. He said that this song really suits my current situation after seeing how I acted for the past few days. Pandai lah kau,Adat. Mentang-mentanglah tengah bahagia. But to be honest,whenever I sing this song,my heart keeps calling his name. To continue this drama without any script given,ahh.. What a life! Just imagine how professional I need to be everyday. To present a super fake acting, it is not a simple task. Sometimes I do feel like I want to give up with this whole drama thing. Can't take it anymore. I'm not sure if I could hold the promise to myself and a deal that I keep. I just hope for nothing. Putus harapan...

Heartbreak lasts as long as you
want it to be
and
cut as deep as you allow
them to go.

*Probably a mere crap from me. If you hate to see this,just ignore it.

Queue of Phrases

Holiday comes again and right now,here I am writing a plain post to fulfil my duty as a part time blogger. It has been three weeks since the last time I fed my blog. Hee.. Starving in pain,honey?

The first day I reached school after one-week break, a few of my friends keep chasing me with the question of the person I ever talked about in my blog. Let the time do its part,the only answer I could uttered. To my consternation,some of the people who I am less expecting them to be one my reader's asked the same question. I just can't hold myself from smiling. For what purpose? No idea.

One week before exam. A week full of dramas and telenovela I suppose. Should I include that I'm also one of the drama queen? Haha.. Others with their seriously injured heart problem. Heartbroken disease was like spreading non-stop among the unwilling victims. And most importantly,my part is the most unique storyline. Haha.. Perasan sebentar.

They are the best listeners and counsellors when I fell apart. My highest salutation for them. Almost every night we talked about the same topic,again and again without any sign of boredness from anyone of us. And it really makes me value the meaning of trust.

Exam week. It was exhausting. Study comes first. Struggle till the hardest though some of it didn't work much since I should stick to the "study smart" law instead of "study hard" rules. The worst part was when I was so sleepy during my BM paper until I wrote Ozzy's name on my answer sheet. Haha.. Maximum embarrassment!
Luckily,I did my last check before submitted the answer.


About heart's whisper. Believe it or not, I think my heart is slowly learning to adapt with the harsh realities. Yes,I do not mean to be some kind of angel but that is what I felt right now. Though sometimes I just can't seem to understand the person but I'm trying my best to be the most reliable friends a person will need. Just like what Rushdan Aliff a.k.a Ba said to me when I asked him about the current situation.

Ba's Law states that friends come first than love because friend means everything. Even if our heart would be tear into little pieces but our friend always need us. We should support them with all the strength though only we know how this pain is torturing us.

Sometimes I do find it silly how someone
can break our heart but
we still love them with all the little pieces

Dunia Survival

Nyanyian tv macam tak masuk dengan rentak dalam kepala aku. Semua yang depan mata macam halusinasi. Kejap lagi dah nak gerak balik Perak,sekolah tercintaku. Tercinta ke? Haha.. Otak aku tiba-tiba memulakan misi mengingat. Handphone dekat atas meja aku capai. Sedang aku sibuk membelek-belek peti masuk pesanan ringkas aku,mata aku mendarat pada satu mesej yang sangat berharga, bagi aku di saat-saat macam ni. Aku yang lemah ni,tak pernah tahan lama dengan kegagahan sementara aku. Kelopak mata mula jadi kolam bila baca mesej tu.

Oh,memang tak pernah aku buat sedemikian rupa. Nasib baik tengah santai dalam bilik,jadi privasi itu milik aku. Interaksi aku dengan tv memang sekadar hiasan semata-mata. Mata aku tak lepas-lepas daripada membaca pesanan tu. Walaupun dah kali yang keberapa puluh entah. Ya,aku memang terharu dengan setiap patah aksara dalam pesanan tu.

Terima kasih sahabat. Kau dah sedarkan aku sebab utama aku tinggalkan semua yang pernah jadi milik aku dekat sini. Kau dah pun sedarkan aku yang masa depan aku terletak pada aku. Walaupun itu hakikat yang aku dah sedia maklum. Kau dah berjaya mengingatkan aku tentang semua perkara yang sepatutnya menjadi keutamaan aku. Kau dah bangunkan aku yang ada banyak perkara penting lain yang sepatutnya memenuhi kotak minda aku. Kau dah pulihkan aku daripada satu fasa yang aku sendiri pilih. Kau dah keluarkan aku daripada mendera emosi sendiri.

Aku sayang kau dan mereka sampai mati. Walaupun kita pernah janji nak habiskan SPM sama-sama,tapi tak kesampaian. Aku dah pilih jalan ni. Macam kata kau. Masa depan aku,aku yang tentukan. Memang aku duduk jauh,tapi hati aku tetap dekat sini. Kalau boleh,aku nak kau dan mereka tahu yang tak ada siapa boleh ganti tempat eksklusif korang ni dekat hati aku.

Nadhrah Izzaty Bt Muhd Sukri
(17.5.1993)
Nur Ain Bt Muhd Ghazali
(27.10.1993)
Nabeelah Bt Ahmad Murad
(25.6.1993)
Romaizatul Shaqira Bt Muhd Rom
(6.9.1993)
Nur Fauziah Bt Muhd Ali
(8.5.1993)

*Mesti korang pelik kenapa aku buat macam ni kan? Kalau kata ini kali terakhir aku,sekurang-kurangnya aku puas hati korang tahu apa yang aku sorok daripada korang selama ni. Aku sayang korang walaupun berapa banyak kawan yang aku jumpa. Aku segan nak cakap macam ni depan korang. Hee~

If You're Not The One

Tomorrow will be going back to hostel. Back to routine. What a life! Nikmat cuti hilang di balik awan. And right now,I don't know if I have the courage to face him again. One week without him,yes. I can proudly say I am healing this wound but without his presence. Without looking at his face everyday. That's the main point. So,I'm afraid I might lose with myself.

I'm not sure if I could continue to be a "super professional hypocrite" with him. Yeah,I'm getting used with this. I'm not sure if I could face another day of this unbearable pain. I'm not sure if I should ever feel this way. I'm not sure how to get rid of this idiotic childish fears. I'm not sure if I'm taking the perfect steps. I'm not sure with myself. Yeah,I'm currently living in uncertainty,if that is what you labelled me right now.

Somehow,that is life. I can't wish life to be like a fairytale with a happy ending. I must keep telling my heart,life doesn't always goes on my way. After having a short conversation with my mind,yes. I should continue the drama as long as the time doesn't reveal everything. I've promised him one thing and when the time comes,he will know the truth behind all these drama.

If you love something,
let it go.
If it comes back to you,
it's yours.
If it doesn't, it never was.

Never Say Never

As early as 8.00 a.m,I received a phone call. Yeah,they asked me to join them for some kind of our mini reunion. Well,I know they miss me. Haha.. Nothing much we had done today. Play volleyball and badminton and watch hindustan movies(i was being forced to watch it!) titled "mujhse kya karoge"(if i'm not mistaken) and "kuch-kuch hota hai". I was like a heartless person watching it while Ain has started to cry. Haha.. Diriku yang tidak berhati perut! Kedua-dua filem menggambarkan pengorbanan. Oh,memang terbaik daripada mereka di saat diriku dalam keadaan begini.

I'm getting stronger day by day. Yeah,proudly say I'm glad to be one. Hee.. I didn't cry for nothing. So no more regrets. If sacrifice brings a lot of changes in me,so yup! Welcome to my life,sacrifices! It's my pleasure to meet you. Haha.. It makes me smile to see how much people do care about me when I'm in need. They are the definition of friends. Sayang mereka sampai mati!

Giving up doesn't always mean
you are weak.
Sometimes it means that
you are strong enough
to let it go.