Tak Pernah Salah.

Insiden berlaku beberapa hari lepas. Di restoran tepi jalan. Waktu makan tengah hari.

WAITER : Nak order apa?

IZZATUL : Kasi nasi goreng kerabu satu dengan air laici bak mai.

WAITER : Itu je?

IZZATUL : Laici kat dapur tu kalau nak bawak keluar semua campur longan durian mangga jambu batu epal limau anggur sikit pun boleh je kasi free of charge. Tak ada hal.

WAITER : Erk..?? *terus berlalu pergi masuk dapur*

IZZATUL : *muka friendly tahap infinity*

Selepas 30 minit menunggu, air dah habis separuh gelas. Ish, lamanya masak nasi goreng? Nak kata gerai ni ramai orang, tolak aku je adalah dalam 3 orang yang mesti tengah kebulur-menggigil-kalau-tak-makan-pengsan jugak tu. Okay, tak apa. Mak kata sabar kejap. Dia tengah masak tu kot. Bahan tak cukup ke, manalah tau. Bersangka baik amalan mulia, ustaz kata. Bak kata Anwar Hadi, "lepak chill lah brai".

Dalam dok menunggu, aku pandang kiri kanan. Nampak si waiter ni tadi dah usung nasi goreng. Sekali bukan pergi meja aku daa.. Meja budak 3 orang tu ha yang dia pergi. Kejap, aku datang dan order JAUH LEBIH AWAL daripada meja sebelah ni. Apahal order diorang mengatasi order aku? Ah, ini tak boleh jadi. Dah kes di anak tiri kan ni. Tangan dilambaikan dekat si waiter.

[Gambar : Kalau waiter tu macam ni pun best jugak. Haha..]

IZZATUL : Ni nasi goreng kerabu mana? Kalau orang nazak dah mampus tau?

WAITER : Eh,ha. Sekejap sekejap. Tengah buat. *memaksa senyuman yang memang tak ikhlas*

IZZATUL : Ha,bagus. Cepat sikit. Kura-kura pun lagi laju.

Tunggu lagi. Masuk penungguan kali ni, dah dekat sejam dah menunggu nasi goreng kerabu aku. Adoi~ Kalau import daripada Kelantan bolehlah aku ampunkan. Air segelas dah selamat aku teguk. Aku pandang lagi waiter tadi. Bagi gesture "mana?" beserta muka sinis yang cuba dimaksimumkan tahap sinisnya. Dia balas dengan gesture "kejap".

Okay. Aku memang penyabar tapi janganlah sampai nak main test test skill kesabaran aku pulak kan. Tak apa. Tunggu lah. Sebaik masuk minit ke 65 aku tunggu, akhirnya sampai jugak nasi import Kelantan tu. As soon as the waiter served pinggan nasi goreng tu depan aku, dengan serentaknya aku bangun dan berkata tepat dekat muka waiter tu "Awak makanlah nasi goreng tu! Saya tak nak bayar. Kalau saya pergi Kelantan dah sempat dinner sekali kot."

[Gambar : Nasi Goreng Kerabu dia tak adalah semenarik ni pun yang buat lama gila tu]

Serentak itu, aku pun berlalu dengan penuh karisma dan bergayanya. Si waiter macam tercengang kelip-kelip tengok aku. So, harga air aku sahaja yang dibayar. Maka tinggallah si waiter bersama nasi goreng kerabu bertuah tu.

Dan sejak hari tu, setiap kali aku bertandang ke kedai tu, waiter tu bila nampak aku mesti akan dahulukan aku berbanding customer-customer lain. Tak kisahlah berapa ramai pun customer masa tu,mesti aku dapat layanan VVIP punya. Haha.. Bagus bagus. Akhirnya kedai ni bekerja secara efisien.

Well,aku tak salah.

Prisoner Of Mind.

For my entire life, I have been asking myself this one particular question. Maybe you will find it weird but that thoughts keep swirling on my head. Chasing my every dream, hunting my every ease, and distracting my every blink. Duh, I just can't feel nothing than to curl up from everyone else.

Dont speak. Think with me. I do everything that people do to pursue their dream. I risked being safe to do whatever it takes to be a part of high-achievers. But yet, I wonder. I never think of how my happiness would be. Instead, I am afraid of how their reaction would turned out to be. In which precisely, I put myself on the second rank. And both of them managed to win over the first rank of my priorities. I put aside the joy to a satisfaction of my own.

Yes, I know everyone will do the same. But I just need some space to say to a mirror of my own reflection, "Did I do this in my willingness or just as another obligation to be fulfilled?". Please sincerity,do come spread your magic charm on me. I am taking action with your absence. Yes, I did this for them. Not for me. I am not afraid of any disappointment but to their frustration? Sorry, I cannot and can never be ready.

Mostly people will decide their interest. Holding the power to choose their own next day. But it just seems that they wrenched that part from me. I picked things to their desire and swallow all my voices as I have no idea where all those courage flew away. They create the design of how my life progress should be. Perhaps I will find a way to plant some seeds of sincerity in this heart. Look at things from their side and maybe this is how I can eliminate the feeling of being forced.

Please please please Allah,

Help me to be in the best state of mind.

Mari Ber"penguin"

-Nasib baik penguin semua tengah aktif masa nak tangkap gambar-

Sepanjang percutian aku ke Langkawi hari tu, ada satu fakta menarik yang aku baru dapat tahu daripada pemandu pelancong. Penguin merupakan seekor haiwan yang sangat setia pada pasangannya dan tidak akan mencari pasangan lain sehingga pasangannya mati. Selepas pasangannya mati, barulah penguin akan mencari pasangan lain. Woah..tak sangka penguin begitu setia.

Tengok, penguin pun boleh setia pada satu pasangan. Kenapa tidak kita? Adoii~ Malulah pada penguin. Tapi kalau tengok betul-betul, orang kita sekarang. Nak cari yang setia pada pasangan memang payah. Bercinta sekejap bagai nak rak lepas tu putus tak sampai sebulan. Kalau cinta monyet tu aku tak hairan. Yang aku maksudkan ni bagi golongan yang dah nak ke jinjang pelamin. Haha.. Zaman sekarang. Apa-apa pun tak mustahil. Dalam hal macam ni,aku memang tak salahkan mana-mana jantina. Lelaki perempuan sama je.

- Penguin mencari pasangan masing masing-

Tapi berdasarkan pemerhatian aku, sebilangan besar lelaki mampu hidup dengan budaya penguin ni. Syabas syabas! Dan pemandu pelancong tu jugak ada memberitahu, kajian membuktikan lelaki yang mempunyai banyak pasangan mempunyai jangka hayat yang lebih pendek berbanding lelaki yang mempunyai satu pasangan. Tapi tu semua macam payah sikit aku nak percaya. Apa kaitan ajal maut dengan bilangan pasangan? K-A-R-U-T.

-Okay, all the penguins showed some sexyback-

Aku pernah diberitahu oleh seseorang yang berkata, perempuan boleh sayang seorang lelaki pada satu masa. Berbeza dengan lelaki yang boleh sayang banyak perempuan pada satu masa. Maka di situlah rasionalnya lelaki dibenarkan berpoligami. Tak pastilah kesahihan info ni. Apa pendapat anda? Wallahu'alam..

Simply a frank point of view from a naive girl who speaks honesty.

p/s : I am obviously not a DR.LOVE nor a LOVE EXPERTISE.

Layakkah Aku?

Islam kata sabar sebahagian daripada iman.

Otak kata sabar itu mulia dalam akhlak.

Hati kata sabar itu ada hadnya.

Lalu,aku tertanya sendiri. Bagaimana pula kalau otak sudah mula menjana kata hati yang sedikit lari dengan anjuran agama? Berbelit-belit kan? Aku bukan seorang pendendam. Aku bukan juga seorang perengus. Tapi harus diingat, aku juga anak cucu Adam.

Setiap tingkah tentu ada salahnya. Kadang kesabaran yang ada diuji. Kadang kesabaran yang ada dipandang enteng. Kadang kesabaran yang ada dianggap remeh. Cuba juga dipujuk hati supaya tetap terus meminimumkan tahap kesabaran yang ada ini. Aku tak nak digelar pencabul adat bangsa.

Tapi bila hati busuk datang bisik, kesabaran aku ini layaknya dipijak-pijak sahajakah? Kesabaran aku ini picisan sahaja kah? Lalu, segala amarah yang disimpan sebelum ini, yang digenggam erat sehingga tidak ada satu jiwa pun yang mampu menghidu, dilepas dengan rasa benci. Amarah bertukar benci. Simpati berpindah tiada hati. Sikitpun tidak ingin mengamuk. Kerana tiang benci sudah mula pacakkan benderanya. Skalanya sudah cecah sekatan terakhir. Aku hanya mampu menyarung karakter baru. Didungukan dengan bisikan busuk si iblis.

Ya Allah, aku tak nak jadi begini. Bantu aku menjadi dulu. Hilangkan segala kehitaman yang berlubuk di hati ini. Aku bukan hamba iblis. Aku bukan sekutu syaitan. Sucikanlah segala kehitaman ini.

Ya Allah. Ya Rahman. Ya Rahim.

I Ain't Affected by Harmless Flirt.

Waah.. Tajuk nak kebaboom je kan? Hehe..

Pernah dengar tentang "harmless flirt"? Aku pertama kali dengar istilah ni pun masa form 4. Mula-mula macam tercengang sekejap. Lepas kaji selidik barulah aku faham definisi sebenar "harmless flirt". Mengikut kata beberapa orang yang lebih tua daripada aku, berikut adalah pendapat mereka.

"Harmless flirt are things like teasing, joking around, giggling, maybe even some blushing - things like that."

"Harmless flirting is like the flirting that you do, not expecting anything to come out of it."

"If you are flirting with someone who is taking it lightly then it's harmless. If you happen to be flirting with someone who is taking your flirtations to be something more genuine, then it's intentional, whether you meant for it to be or not. "

Secara personal, aku pernah mengalami situasi macam ni. Dan aku sangat bersetuju dengan pendapat yang terakhir. Dan sebagai perempuan, aku mengaku hati perempuan lebih mudah tersentuh berbanding lelaki. Pantang ada macam perkara syahdu sikit, mulalah "Alahai..sweetnya~". Lepas tu mulalah tak tentu hala, tangkap cintan dengan mamat yang kononnya "Prince Charming" dia tu kan.

Ditambah lagi kalau si lelaki baik,caring,memahami. Sentiasa ada dengan si perempuan. Wah, memang angau lah si perempuan. Aku mengaku, pernahlah sekali terjebak dalam situasi ni. Mungkin masa tu pemikiran mentah sangat. Nak fikir benda-benda yang matang sikit memang harapan lah. Jadi segala kebaikan si lelaki dianggap serius. Lepas tu, terus jatuh sayang. Kononnya "sayang mati". Sanggup menangis satu hari kerana seorang lelaki yang dah pun jatuh cinta pada perempuan lain. Childish yang teramat-amat kan?

Lepas je kejadian tu, aku pun didik diri jadi universal. "Harmless flirt" sebenarnya meaningless dan bertujuan untuk hiburan semata-mata. Aku belajar personaliti orang sekeliling. Masuk rentak semua orang. Dan aku belajar segala macam "harmless flirt" baik daripada lelaki mahupun perempuan yang lebih menguatkan pemahaman aku, jangan senang-senang suka hati nak jatuh sayang kat orang. I mean as in terms of love towards the opposite gender. Sayang member tu lain ceritalah der.

Bagi aku, "harmless flirt" itu sangat bergantung dengan siapa kau bercakap. Kalau bagi orang yang dah pandai nak immune kan diri dengan benda alah macam tu, okay je tak ada hal setakat nak layan "harmless flirt" ni. Tapi bagi orang yang tak biasa dan tak faham hakikat sebenar istilah ni, mungkin berpotensi mengalami apa yang aku pernah alami.

Secara umumnya, aku percaya sangat kita kena ada pendedahan pasal ni.So dudes and babes out there, when someone is trying to joke around with you using those flirting words, don't simply take it seriously. Maybe they never intend to flirt with you, just giggling around. Or maybe they are doing intentional flirt. Who knows? Jadi sila luaskan pergaulan anda. Cuba kenal pelbagai jenis manusia dan kenalpasti karakter pengamal "harmless flirt" dan pengamal "intentional flirt". That's the key. Dengan cara macam tu, kita boleh bezakan antara dua perkara yang nampak macam serupa tapi berbeza sebenarnya. Pada masa yang sama ajar diri sendiri jangan jadi rapuh. Just like how I used to be. Dan sekarang aku berpegang teguh dengan prinsip,

"I AIN'T AFFECTED BY HARMLESS FLIRT".

Quotes of The Day

Imam Dhahabi (rh) said: "Whosoever seeks knowledge for actions,then his knowledge makes him humble & fearful,& causes him to weep at (the deficiencies in) himself. But whosoever seeks knowledge for the sake of merely teaching, giving verdicts,in order to brag,or to show-off; becomes foolish,arrogant & looks down in contempt at the people,& is destroyed by pride,& the people hate him.." [Siyar A'laamun-Nubulaa-18/192]

NO MONEY NO TALK

After possessing myself into a critical level of thinking, seriously I rapt into a lesson from the incident just now. In this reality world, money is ALMOST everything. Yeap,you may say, money can't buy happiness. Money will not ensure how well you can lead your life. And even some of my dudes say "Jumpa Allah tak payah guna duit." *I am not going to rebut over this one. Obviously undeniable fact,okay?*

But trust me, deep inside everyone, we truly believe, we work for money. We study hard for a bright future in order to get a good starting salary. We tend to get envy of how people could be such a spendthrift while us counting our penny-pinching crisis.

[ Figure 1 : How a spend-thrifty would be spending. ]

Basically, we need money so freaking bad to run a life. But, I didn't say I would be agreeing of the opinion that "MONEY CAN BUY A LIFE." Okay, let's generate some ideas. I've been going through an experience of when people underestimated me and wrenched my right to voice out what I do have inside just because they think their money worth more than anything else.

This kind of people make me opened my eyes widely in the principle of I should know when and where to swallow my words. Put aside my attitude of being habitually outspoken. So, I look at it in the bright context. I need to prove that I was born as a somebody. As they say, God never created garbage. If it is not for them, at least for myself.

[ Figure 2 : One of ways to gain some respect ]

One of the alternative way I could see now is only by education. On the other hand, they develop a great determination in me. I need to pull them out from the fact that money can buy a life instead of running a life. This misconception can be seen as actually the major problem they acquainted their way of thinking into a narrow-minded class of mankind.

p/s : A piece of advice to myself. Please do not misunderstand my point view. Yet, money just another valuable papers. Our obligations to Him do not required any cash,okay folks? Mind that.

Out from The Ordinary.

I've bought a few books just now. And I'm still making my way to finish all of them. Okay, this time I kind of widening my books range. Switching to the new genre, unlike before. And decided

to throw some of my cash on these :-

Haha.. surprising huh? Why do you look so alarmed? Hey,I'm feeling well anyway. Trying some luck in breaking the barrier. Sometimes, you will find it exhilarated when you are exploring things beyond your expectation. You have my words. Trust me. =)

And by the way, I'll expose some of the content once I've finished them. But let's see. That will going to take about 2-3 months from now,I suppose. Herm..unless you are willing to wait for my so-called "content exposure", sure I will not let you down. Okay,cut the crap. Once I done reading them, for sure you'll see the latest post related.

Please suggest some of new ways to get rid the habit of "sleeping while reading". Urghh..I am so drowned in that habit. About 4 pages for a book, and for all I know, I will wake up with the book left open. I need to get over it as soon as possible.

p/s : Oh,I've just done watching Mean Girls 2. The sequel of the first one. Kind of typical but yet warming for girls, all I can say it was worth for a one time watch. Oh,if you would love to give it a try,just click the link below. Have fun!

MEAN GIRLS 2(2011)