Behind Reflection

May is coming very soon. It means the deal that I keep is coming to it's deadline. That day, I had a short conversation with Ba. Ba asked me again about my "sayang mati". I told Ba that I'm the type that once I fall for someone,I won't look for anything else. Ba said "Bahaya kau ni weyh". Haha..

Ba dare me to spill out all my feeling towards my "sayang mati". Haha.. There's no way I would do it,Ba. Kalau kau nak aku mati,mungkin aku akan buat. Haha.. Dahlah jumpa hari-hari. Ci'en and Aja remind me for so many times about the deal but it seems that I just don't care about it. Let it be. I don't care if I would be the loser's side. I still want to stick to what I'm holding right now. Getting comfortable with it though I have to put different masks each day. Say I'm mad? My pleasure.

Right now, as I'm trying to get over my deal, I finally met someone who I suppose could make me see the way to fade the memory of him. I guess everything began on Sports Day. And now,I feel the happiness whenever I saw the "someone". Looking for him everyday.

My life has a superb cast

but

I can't figure out the plot.

-Nazihah Yahya-

Halusinasi Kabur

"Dia" cukup benci bila dihimpit. Dihimpit antara "kemahuan" dan "keinginan". Dua benda yang dia pasti tak ada siapa boleh pilih dengan adil. "Dia" sayangkan "kemahuan" tapi juga rindukan "keinginan". Tapi "dia" sedar "dia" tak boleh dapat dua-dua. Semalam "dia" terima sekeping surat daripada "keinginan". "Keinginan" menyatakan sangat merindui "dia" yang dahulu. "Dia" sudah jauh berubah. Tidak rapat dengan "keinginan" macam dulu-dulu. "Dia" cukup tersentuh. Dalam masa yang sama,"kemahuan" juga sudah menjadi keutamaan "dia" kini.

Satu solusi yang "dia" mampu fikirkan kini ; "dia" mahu berhijrah. "Dia" mahu tinggalkan semua yang ada padanya kini. "Dia" mahu kembali kepada keadaan sebelum "dia" mengenali dunia baru ini. Ya,itu sahaja solusi yang ada dalam kotak minda "dia". "Keinginan" dan "kemahuan", dua-dua menyayanginya. Logik pula dah tak mampu nak berkata apa.

Losing The Grip

Hujan lebat. Otak ligat menari zapin fikir aktiviti terbaik(selain belajar). Buntu. Sakit dekat leher tak hilang lagi. Malam tadi aku boleh bantai tidur depan desktop beralaskan keyboard; berbantal peluk kan speaker ; ber''alarm clock'' kan mouse. Dengan bahagianya aku menikmati malam. Ahaha. Sedar-sedar mak kejut,leher aku terasa macam ada pertandingan tarik tali anjuran urat saraf sedunia. Sengal satu badan. Satu hari kepala senget sebelah. Semuanya nampak senget di mata aku hari ni.


*Switch mood : English

Last night,I had a very good conversation with a friend. An old friend. We talked about so many things and mostly are crap. A topic was chosen. Changes. Haha.. He said that I'm changing. I'm not the person he used to know but he still can see the old me. I replied,changing for good isn't a sin. I told him about so many things that happened to me since I entered a territory called a 'boarding school'.

Friends are everything ; that's what I learn since leading the hostel's life. And slowly,we can see they are changing day by day. What hurts the most ; the changes make them became a new person. Someone we never know or precisely ; a stranger. Losing a friend isn't easy. As for me,it is almost unacceptable.

I miss the moment when both of us care about each other. Always know that we stand on the reliable bridge. When I need someone to share problems, I should have no worries as I know you would be the best listener I ever had. And the most incredible thing I will never forget ; this friend will always be the first person to detect whenever I am facing conflicts inside. One of the superb psychic.

I miss the moment when we could tease each other. Telling jokes with the uncontrolled laughter. Sharing every single thing together. I miss the moment when you would come and asked me "Are you okay?', and you will always try to figure out the solution for me.

I miss the moment to know that you had learnt to put the trust in me when you would voice out your problems. I miss all those days. Now,there's a distance between us. We are taking our own path. No one to be blame. We met,we talked but there are words I couldn't say. Things are not the same as it used to be. The only thing I need you to know, I am grateful for having the chance to share a bond called friendship with someone great like you.

When life does not find a singer

to sing her heat,

she produces a philosophy to

speak her mind.

** Emosi sedang menguasai tulisan . Harap maklum.

Rhythmic Voice

I miss my SABDArians to be honest. Haha.. I still can't forget the time when we held a conference at the back of the class when the teacher wasn't in. The panel were me,Nad,Aja and Ba.

The motion was 'Sayang Mati'. New terms that we used for the whole conversation. I put all my courage to ask someone who I labelled as an egoistic man or to make it clear,Ba. Haha(mati aku!).. I explained to him a situation regarding this issue and threw a most cliche question to him. 'What would you do if you were in that person shoe?'

Ba said that whatever happens,he will never break a friendshipjust because of that particular matter. He would continue to be the greatest friend ever. So I asked him again, 'How about the pain?'. He answered me calmly. Of course, the pain would be there but it's better to keep it to ourself and act like nothing's happened.

'Isn't that going to hurt that person even more?', I wonder. Support our friend for their decision though we suffered for the truth inside,it's what a friend does. Then,Ba added that the person should confess so there would be no regrets at the end. Thank you,Ba for the out-of-syllabus lesson. Suddenly,Ba asked me "Kau cakap pasal siapa ni?". Ahaha.. Nevermind,Ba. Just hold my promise. Don't worry,I will not be hiding.

Switch places. Time for Ba to speak out the question marks. How do I take 'Sayang Mati' in my dictionary? Simple answer. I mean from my view. 'Sayang Mati' is when I could shed my tears because of a person or to be precise when I could cry for a person based on the ticket of love. And it includes family or the loved ones.

An invited panel,Akif also did give his point of view. The same question. His opinion was contra with Ba's. He stated that everything depends on the person. But to make a confession,it's too risky,according to him. There would be a gap between each other if things do not turn out as we expect it to be. And definitely,losing a friend will be the ending. It does make sense. Acceptable.

The conference was precious for me. Thanks to them for their awesome opinions includng Adik(Safwan),Ali and Syazwan. Look at things from the opposite side,it's wonderful to read mind of others. Haha.. Boys aren't heartless ; I must admit. Sometimes they just find it hard to take off the barriers.




*Ba,bila kau dah jumpa makna 'Sayang Mati' tu,kau jangan lupa datang jumpa aku!

Spontaneous Theatre

Homeworks are endless. Plus with the chores. Somehow,there's something I won't regret. Endless sleep. Enjoyable sweetest slumber without alarm clock. In which I need not to rush to wait for my turn in the toilet. In which I need not to rush to get myself ready before the assembly start. In which I need not to resist those tears when I felt so sleepy during the lesson. Holiday sometimes meaningful perhaps.

I played on the song titled 'Yesterday' by The Beatles. The lyrics seems to suit my wish. Ahaha.. Suddenly I thought of them. Hana,Aja, Ci'en and Nad. There was one time when Hana Borrowed my MP3 (I named it as Bonny) and she heard all the song in my playlist. The first sentence that came out from her mouth "Kalau orang tengah heartbroken dengar MP3 kau,boleh mati tau tak?".

At that moment,I just can't resist my laughter. It bursts out just before I could take control over it. Didn't expect I would get that kind of compliment from Hana at that middle of night. Haha.. The rest were just like me. As for Nad,she remind me to delete those hurtful songs. Wish to but I just can't get over it. Hee..sorry Nad!

And another incident was when I had started to get myself into the song that I tuned,and my eyes seems to lost their vision. Nad saw me and quickly she exchanged our MP3. Hee.. Terkantoi pula! By the way, I just discovered a few songs.




*Hana,Aja,korang kena dengar lagu-lagu yang baru aku jumpa ni. Mesti korang suka! Sangat menarik! Hee~